happiness.

Maybe it's the weather.

Lately, I have been struggling with having an attitude of joy. I am a child of God, free and forgiven, and called to a divine purpose - so why am I not embracing every morning with a smile and being the encouragement to others that I should be?

I think that worry can contribute to much of this. Worry over the future, fear about the unknown, not having control over the path ahead. But deeper than that, I think it stems from a heart that has forgotten its first love. I think that worry can climb in and steal joy. In God's unending love and mercy towards His little sinner saved by grace, He gently reminded me that there is SO much more to the Christian life than doing the right thing and timidly peeking around the next corner, hoping it all turns out okay. When we live like that, it is no wonder the spark fizzles from our journey with Christ! No wonder we grow weary in well-doing.

In Revelation 2, the first verses directly addresses the church at Ephesus. Christ commends their hard work, their patience, and their faithfulness. He lists the positives of their ministry, and shows that they have not fainted under the pressures of life and sin. They did the right things, stood against evil and false doctrine, and labored in HIS NAME with patience!

But that wasn't enough. It wasn't enough for their Savior.

Verse 4 states,
"Nevertheless, I have somewhat against thee, because thou hast left thy first love."

What a moment for pondering. As much as I want the same commendation from Christ such as Ephesus, to someday hear, "Well done, good and faithful servant," how much more should I long to hear His voice say, "I love you." He said it the day He created me, the day spread His arms on the cross and died for my sin, and someday I will see His face and He will say it to me, His bride.

As Spurgeon put it, "Oh, what love it was that I had to my Saviour the first time He forgave my sins."

Christ gave all for me, and I gave all to Him that day I accepted His forgiveness from my sin. I am now His and He is now mine. What wonderous love is this, that He should create me in His image and make me a little lower than the angels? Though I was marred by sin, how is it that He still loves me and DIED and rose again that I may be justified and clean, and spend eternity with Him in His paradise, His presence?

As the psalmist writes, "Such knowledge is too wonderful for me.."

And I let worry and fear override this love?
Sure, I still "do the right thing" despite the anxieties of life because I know I must. But God means our life for so much more than just doing right. Don't get me wrong, the Scripture is filled with commands, encouragement, and reward in following Him and serving others. But FIRST, Christ offers redemption and an inheritance incorruptible and undefiled, a relationship forever with Him!

HE is our FIRST Love.

Then, through knowing Him better everyday in walking closely with Him, I can harness His limiteless strength for keeping my way pure, for ministry to others, for every turn in the road, every bump that shakes our world. He provides the power to accomplish in our lives above and beyond all we could ask or think!! HE IS GOD. He loves me.

THAT is the power and the strength that puts a smile on my face, no matter what the day holds.

That is happiness.


1 Peter 1:8, 9 ~ whom having not seen, ye love; in whom, though now ye see Him not, yet believing, ye rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory: receiving the end of your faith, even the salvation of your souls.