"[this is] the confidence that we have through Christ toward God - - not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God."
To borrow the old cliche, God works in mysterious ways. This is a hard one for me to write, because I have been struggling with this as I consider and involve myself in ministry and my own daily living. How often I have thought, "I'm doing pretty good - I'm doing all the right things. People are responding, things are happening, this is good. I'm doing good." I measured my successes against my own personal opinions of what I thought was "good enough" or even great. And then, God smacked me. Over a period of almost a year, God has had to give me a reality check and put me in my place - He had to push me out of my own way.
I was so self-focused in my life, my abilities, my ambitions and my impressions that I left no room for my God. He had to take all those things away, take me away from myself so that I could get to know HIM again, so that I could see Him. I was on my way, making my decisions about my life, and in my time - and then He did what I never thought would happen. He changed my life so drastically that I couldn't help but change. If I didn't, I would become bitter - an unsavoury taste in my Saviour's mouth.
Taking me out of the spotlight gave God room to show me what I needed to change and re-aquire my complete dependence to be fit for His service. He took me off to the side so that He could talk with me, commune and correct me so that I could understand best the way His child should walk. I was truly humbled by this experience, and as overcome with sadness at the realization of hurting my Heavenly Father I was, I was even more overcome with His grace and longsuffering and love. Even though I chose my own way for a while, He took my hand and placed it in His so that I could walk with Him. How honoured I am to be a part of His family - I have a relationship with the Most High! Shame on me for ever forgetting that.
Now, with my course set straight, and my Father by my side, I will choose God's way. Whether it be marking lessons and licking envelopes, washing dishes for a church member who can't get around, or bringing souls to Christ's arms in Africa, I choose HIM. I will get out of the way, and let Him lead.
2 Cor. 3:3-6
