oh, help.
I saw this blog post this morning and just had to click on it. As my mother-in-law would say - it's like a car accident...you want to look away, but can't!
As I read each of these "8 commandments," if you will, I felt my confidence as a wife melting into a puddle at my feet. Suddenly, a blogger who I don't even know made me question my husband's love for me by the things I was or wasn't doing on this list.
I started making mental checks in my head; "When was the last time I filled his plate for him at the dinner table? Do I even do that anymore?" "When was the last time I took a shower?" "I wonder if he knows why my hair looks like this today." "Oh, why didn't I get to picking up those toys last night before bed?" and on the list goes! And there I was, feeling inadequate all because of a stupid blog post that I was measuring my "wifely duties" against.
As my mind started reeling with all the expectations I was failing to live up to, I asked myself, "is this the list of all the reasons he loves me that's actually in my husband's head?" Doubtful. As I read the list aloud to him, we laughed about it. He shrugged and said, "this person probably isn't a mom, either." And I smiled a bit and sighed a small sigh of relief.
Ok, so he doesn't pull out a measuring stick every morning to make sure I am tall enough to ride the ride.
Last time I checked, blogs weren't my measuring stick of being a good wife. Why do we let people we don't even know make us feel less than our mate's best? How, in five minutes or less, can we allow outside forces to reduce us to puddles of insecure wives and mothers?
I began to "preach to myself" God's Word in that moment. What does God actually want us to be for our spouses? What does HE say about serving and loving on our mates? Thankfully, God allows much more grace than we humans give each other (or ourselves!) A couple of verses came to mind - "by love serve one another" (Gal. 5:13) and "submit yourselves one to another" (Eph 5:21). I've also been reading in 1 Peter lately and looked up chapter 3 again, which deals with focusing on the adorning of your heart more than of your outward self. Let me tell you, as a mother of two little boys, 2 years old and 3 months old, that is a relief! Thankfully, God gives us much more wiggle room in regard to love and service! It's a little more all-encompassing than a quick "8 Simple Rules." I don't have to concern myself so much about how much makeup I'm wearing in order to be a good wife, or if I "dressed up enough" to please the world with my perfectly toned and tanned presence; rather, I should concern myself with how pleasant and compassionate I am in my interactions with other humans, chiefly my children and my husband! Chapter 4 of 1 Peter says, "above all things, have fervent charity among yourselves; for charity shall cover the multitude of sins" (emphasis mine). P.s. That's way harder than being at the door at 5pm sharp with a hot, homemade dinner on the table every day!
I'm guessing God more cares about the spirit of our love rather than the letter of it. I fail my husband far more if I am short with him or lash out at him than when I don't do a thousand crunches or don't put on jeans to go to Walmart!
So maybe we can call a mulligan on this one and just focus on serving each other in the little, every day ways we know please each other and not some stranger blogger's 8 ways to a perfect relationship.
Maybe, as a 3 month post-partum pile of flesh, as a tired, busy mom who works fulltime at home and parttime online, as a wife who cares for her husband but doesn't always get to pick up every piece of clothing off the floor and forgets to fill her husband's plate or "take his coat before he can hardly walk in the door" because she's nursing her child or diffusing a two year old's temper tantrum, just maybe I can feel a little better about the "job" I'm doing as a contributing member of my family and that my husband (and more importantly my God) sees me as beautiful and hard-working, even if I'm doing that job makeupless (and mostly in my sweatpants!).
There's a little more grace in that place, anyway.
Friday, December 05, 2014
Friday, August 01, 2014
waiting without worry
As these last weeks of pregnancy descend upon our family and the weekly appointments, which have been supplemented with extra testing for the baby, seem to come every other day, it's been easy to feel a little anxious about Baby Poorman's arrival. Even with a "normal" pregnancy, every mother feels that uncertainty about the not-too-distant future. Throw on the extra medical abnormalities your tiny child carries with him, the uncertainty of the way the birth may go, the team of cardiologists that will be on stand-by in the room waiting to assess your baby, and the possibility that he will require invasive open-heart surgery in his first few days, and the worry can seem to overshadow the happiest of days.
As easy as it can be to drown in all the "what-if's," it's also been easy as a good Christian woman to put on my brave face, smile and say to everyone, "Who knows what will happen, but God is in control. He's got it covered." But am I really, truly believing my own words? I don't want to be a Debbie Downer, or be constantly negative about our situation (and I hope I haven't been!), because I can't see how that is profitable for me, my family, or anyone I talk to about our baby. I know God's Word says to be anxious for nothing, because He knows the end from the beginning and we can trust that every move He makes is for His perfect and complete will. However, humanly speaking, sometimes I am downright scared of our future, of what my child will face in his young years, of how I can help keep him as healthy as possible to be the fighter he needs to be. And it's really hard to admit all of that without feeling guilty or judged. But I think it's all a part of having to live in a human body while learning to trust in the perfect and strong Holy Spirit Who indwells this weak vessel of mine.
I haven't got it all together yet. But I have just been so greatly humbled and lifted up by my Lord this past week while I wait for our son to arrive. He seems to keep bringing all the help and comfort I need as my heart is overwhelmed by all the tests, appointments and information. I will just share one particular encouragement that came from an unexpected place this past week - the back of our church bulletin! I mean, who even reads those poems anyway? I know I never do. Ha :) (Sorry, Aunt Kathi!) But this one seemed to speak to my heart so exactly and I have been comforted by its principles all week! I hope you find the same comfort and strength in it that I did, whatever imperfect situation you find yourself in as well. Praise God for His tender loving kindness and perfect wisdom in ALL things!
It is only a tiny rosebud,
A flower of God's design;
But I cannot unfold the petals
With these clumsy hands of mine.
The secret of unfolding flowers
Is not known to such as I.
God opens the flower so sweetly,
When in my hands they die.
If I cannot unfold a rosebud,
This flower of God's design,
Then how can I have the wisdom,
To unfold this life of mine?
So I'll trust Him for leading
Each moment of my day,
I will look to Him for guidance
Each step of the way.
The pathway that lies before me,
Only my Heavenly Father knows.
I'll trust Him to unfold the moments,
Just as He unfolds the rose.
Prov. 3:5-6
Ps. At least with all these extra monitoring of Baby Poorman, we have gotten to see a lot more of him! Here are just a few pictures from our 3D ultrasound; poor child has my nose and lips! and he is a chubby, grouchy little boy haha.. but that's just because he kept squishing himself further into me every time we tried to get a good picture. He's either very shy, or pretty stubborn... I'm hoping for shy :)
As easy as it can be to drown in all the "what-if's," it's also been easy as a good Christian woman to put on my brave face, smile and say to everyone, "Who knows what will happen, but God is in control. He's got it covered." But am I really, truly believing my own words? I don't want to be a Debbie Downer, or be constantly negative about our situation (and I hope I haven't been!), because I can't see how that is profitable for me, my family, or anyone I talk to about our baby. I know God's Word says to be anxious for nothing, because He knows the end from the beginning and we can trust that every move He makes is for His perfect and complete will. However, humanly speaking, sometimes I am downright scared of our future, of what my child will face in his young years, of how I can help keep him as healthy as possible to be the fighter he needs to be. And it's really hard to admit all of that without feeling guilty or judged. But I think it's all a part of having to live in a human body while learning to trust in the perfect and strong Holy Spirit Who indwells this weak vessel of mine.
I haven't got it all together yet. But I have just been so greatly humbled and lifted up by my Lord this past week while I wait for our son to arrive. He seems to keep bringing all the help and comfort I need as my heart is overwhelmed by all the tests, appointments and information. I will just share one particular encouragement that came from an unexpected place this past week - the back of our church bulletin! I mean, who even reads those poems anyway? I know I never do. Ha :) (Sorry, Aunt Kathi!) But this one seemed to speak to my heart so exactly and I have been comforted by its principles all week! I hope you find the same comfort and strength in it that I did, whatever imperfect situation you find yourself in as well. Praise God for His tender loving kindness and perfect wisdom in ALL things!
It is only a tiny rosebud,
A flower of God's design;
But I cannot unfold the petals
With these clumsy hands of mine.
The secret of unfolding flowers
Is not known to such as I.
God opens the flower so sweetly,
When in my hands they die.
If I cannot unfold a rosebud,
This flower of God's design,
Then how can I have the wisdom,
To unfold this life of mine?
So I'll trust Him for leading
Each moment of my day,
I will look to Him for guidance
Each step of the way.
The pathway that lies before me,
Only my Heavenly Father knows.
I'll trust Him to unfold the moments,
Just as He unfolds the rose.
Prov. 3:5-6
Ps. At least with all these extra monitoring of Baby Poorman, we have gotten to see a lot more of him! Here are just a few pictures from our 3D ultrasound; poor child has my nose and lips! and he is a chubby, grouchy little boy haha.. but that's just because he kept squishing himself further into me every time we tried to get a good picture. He's either very shy, or pretty stubborn... I'm hoping for shy :)
Thursday, June 19, 2014
Baby 2's Progress
The day I've been not-so-patiently waiting for was finally here today - getting to hear the update from the perinatal physicians on the growth and progress of our baby's heart! I MAY or may not have had a few stress dreams about this day, particularly last night, about forgetting to drop Spencer off at Stephanie's, being too late for the appointment and having to wade through water to get to the office! But I digress... :) The day went according to plan and we arrived within plenty of time... so we could wait in the office for what seemed like an eternity. After an extra 20 minutes of waiting, we were finally ushered in to the ultrasound room and began to look at what is becoming a familiar sight to us - a broken heart.
Baby Poorman decided he wanted to sleep almost through the entire procedure, with one hand in front of his face and the other holding on to his toes. :) When he sleeps that cute, it's hard to wish he would move! But it did make for some difficult photos and we never did see his whole body (or face, which is what I wanted to see!) the way they would've liked. Thankfully however, he did let the cardiologist see what she needed to see, at least well enough to give us an update!
The hole in his heart is still significant. There's still blackness where there shouldn't be. We have made the decision to deliver downtown right next to Children's Hospital because of the high likelihood that his oxygen sats will not be where a regular nursery and staff would be comfortable with and they would transfer him to the NICU to be cared for. Since there is such a high likelihood, I am most comfortable with being downtown so that if he is transferred to Children's, we are right there next to him.
That being said, we received the news that thankfully, since his last visit, nothing has changed or deteriorated with his condition and the surrounding parts that they were concerned about! And his heart function, what IS working, is working very well, pumping and working hard to grow him well (and by grow him well, I mean that he is ALREADY 4 1/2 pounds -- at 31 weeks!! Yikes!) The cardiologist told us that things were looking so good, considering, that we would not have to return for another check before he's born! They will do their tests and run the echo after he's born, but until then, he looks good enough to receive his regular prenatal care and not have to do anything until after he arrives. What a HUGE blessing!
I cannot tell you how thankful I am for all the prayers offered up on our child's behalf. And I know you have made a difference; I know God doesn't owe us good news or positive answers, but I am so incredibly humbled and truly, truly grateful that He has sent some grace to us in this process. Thank you all again!
Baby Poorman decided he wanted to sleep almost through the entire procedure, with one hand in front of his face and the other holding on to his toes. :) When he sleeps that cute, it's hard to wish he would move! But it did make for some difficult photos and we never did see his whole body (or face, which is what I wanted to see!) the way they would've liked. Thankfully however, he did let the cardiologist see what she needed to see, at least well enough to give us an update!
The hole in his heart is still significant. There's still blackness where there shouldn't be. We have made the decision to deliver downtown right next to Children's Hospital because of the high likelihood that his oxygen sats will not be where a regular nursery and staff would be comfortable with and they would transfer him to the NICU to be cared for. Since there is such a high likelihood, I am most comfortable with being downtown so that if he is transferred to Children's, we are right there next to him.
That being said, we received the news that thankfully, since his last visit, nothing has changed or deteriorated with his condition and the surrounding parts that they were concerned about! And his heart function, what IS working, is working very well, pumping and working hard to grow him well (and by grow him well, I mean that he is ALREADY 4 1/2 pounds -- at 31 weeks!! Yikes!) The cardiologist told us that things were looking so good, considering, that we would not have to return for another check before he's born! They will do their tests and run the echo after he's born, but until then, he looks good enough to receive his regular prenatal care and not have to do anything until after he arrives. What a HUGE blessing!
I cannot tell you how thankful I am for all the prayers offered up on our child's behalf. And I know you have made a difference; I know God doesn't owe us good news or positive answers, but I am so incredibly humbled and truly, truly grateful that He has sent some grace to us in this process. Thank you all again!
Psalm 103 Bless the Lord, O my soul: and all that is within me, bless his holy name. 2 Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits: 3 Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases; 4 Who redeemeth thy life from destruction; who crowneth thee with lovingkindness and tender mercies.
Thursday, April 24, 2014
Our Baby's Heart
It's hard to put into words the thousand pieces of information we received today about our baby, so I will just try to write the main things and ask you to pray for the rest of it.
A few weeks ago after our 20 week ultrasound, I got a call from the doctor asking to speak to him about some things about the results. Naturally, when you hear your actual doctor call instead of a nurse or just an email or letter about your results, your mind races a little! I was able to see him between appointments the next day, thankfully, and hear the news in person. He came in and let me know he saw an abnormality with the baby's heart and was referring me to a pediatric cardiologist for a level 2 ultrasound and echocardiogram. He suspected that there might be an atrial septal defect, where the valve between the baby's two upper chambers of the heart doesn't close on its own. He assured me it was not a life threatening issue and if it was worst-case scenario, the baby would have an outpatient surgery through and up the leg to fix the defect and we would be on our way. I hoped for the best and secretly hoped the pictures were just bad and there really was nothing wrong. We set up the appointment for a few weeks from when I heard the news, which subsequently fell on this day, today.
As a side note, many of you know that Troy has taken a temporary position at work in which he travels during the week and is only home on weekends. When we heard that we would need to see a specialist, his manager graciously worked out a different schedule so he could be home and come to the appointment with me! God really had His hand on us to let him be home this week.
I had no idea what a level 2 ultrasound meant, but when I had one done, I understood a little better... the picture is SO much clearer! Our son is so beautifully formed... and I think he looks just like Spencer :) His little feet and hands, his eyes and lips.. we even got to see him sucking and swallowing! I'm sure I cried silent tears at least four times just watching him move.
Once they got the information they needed, I knew what was coming; I saw it myself on the screen. Baby Poorman 2 has quite a large hole between the upper chambers of his heart. It isn't an open valve issue - the valve isn't even there. The doctor explained it well, even drew us a diagram of the issue. Baby also has a small leak in his mitral valve. He will require open heart surgery before he turns 5. What we thought would be something he might outgrow or have a simple procedure to fix isn't the case. In 8 weeks we will go back to the cardiologist for another ultrasound that will determine if the issue has worsened and if surgery will be needed within the first week of life or if it looks strong enough to wait until early childhood.
We asked the doctor what kind of care he would need until surgery and she said for the most part, he will be quite normal. He will be a lot more susceptible to illness and infection because of the fluid on the lungs thanks to the leak. He may run out of breath more quickly than other children his age just because his heart and lungs are working much harder to function than normal. But we will take those issues when they come and for now, we will concentrate on deciding the best next course of action for the birthing plan. We may be able to deliver at our hospital but run the risk of having him transferred downtown to Children's anyway. We are weighing the options and will know more at our next ultrasound.
God is good! I kept thinking praises to Him for allowing our doctor to see this on the regular ultrasound and send us to find out more. I am so thankful that He has such a watchful eye over us and loves our baby even MORE than we do... which seems impossible to a mom's heart :) We pray for wisdom over the coming weeks, to know just what we should do about prenatal and birth care options and pray for a healthy and safe delivery of our precious son! God be praised - nothing slips by His care and love.
Psalm 139:14
A few weeks ago after our 20 week ultrasound, I got a call from the doctor asking to speak to him about some things about the results. Naturally, when you hear your actual doctor call instead of a nurse or just an email or letter about your results, your mind races a little! I was able to see him between appointments the next day, thankfully, and hear the news in person. He came in and let me know he saw an abnormality with the baby's heart and was referring me to a pediatric cardiologist for a level 2 ultrasound and echocardiogram. He suspected that there might be an atrial septal defect, where the valve between the baby's two upper chambers of the heart doesn't close on its own. He assured me it was not a life threatening issue and if it was worst-case scenario, the baby would have an outpatient surgery through and up the leg to fix the defect and we would be on our way. I hoped for the best and secretly hoped the pictures were just bad and there really was nothing wrong. We set up the appointment for a few weeks from when I heard the news, which subsequently fell on this day, today.
As a side note, many of you know that Troy has taken a temporary position at work in which he travels during the week and is only home on weekends. When we heard that we would need to see a specialist, his manager graciously worked out a different schedule so he could be home and come to the appointment with me! God really had His hand on us to let him be home this week.
I had no idea what a level 2 ultrasound meant, but when I had one done, I understood a little better... the picture is SO much clearer! Our son is so beautifully formed... and I think he looks just like Spencer :) His little feet and hands, his eyes and lips.. we even got to see him sucking and swallowing! I'm sure I cried silent tears at least four times just watching him move.
Once they got the information they needed, I knew what was coming; I saw it myself on the screen. Baby Poorman 2 has quite a large hole between the upper chambers of his heart. It isn't an open valve issue - the valve isn't even there. The doctor explained it well, even drew us a diagram of the issue. Baby also has a small leak in his mitral valve. He will require open heart surgery before he turns 5. What we thought would be something he might outgrow or have a simple procedure to fix isn't the case. In 8 weeks we will go back to the cardiologist for another ultrasound that will determine if the issue has worsened and if surgery will be needed within the first week of life or if it looks strong enough to wait until early childhood.
We asked the doctor what kind of care he would need until surgery and she said for the most part, he will be quite normal. He will be a lot more susceptible to illness and infection because of the fluid on the lungs thanks to the leak. He may run out of breath more quickly than other children his age just because his heart and lungs are working much harder to function than normal. But we will take those issues when they come and for now, we will concentrate on deciding the best next course of action for the birthing plan. We may be able to deliver at our hospital but run the risk of having him transferred downtown to Children's anyway. We are weighing the options and will know more at our next ultrasound.
God is good! I kept thinking praises to Him for allowing our doctor to see this on the regular ultrasound and send us to find out more. I am so thankful that He has such a watchful eye over us and loves our baby even MORE than we do... which seems impossible to a mom's heart :) We pray for wisdom over the coming weeks, to know just what we should do about prenatal and birth care options and pray for a healthy and safe delivery of our precious son! God be praised - nothing slips by His care and love.
Psalm 139:14
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