After watching a small blog post created by a certain Mrs. Hall take Facebook by storm, I've seen a few attitudes and opinions make a resurgence in the World Wide Web. Modesty is no new topic, but this mother has openly and honestly told her story of how her family deals with this mainstream issue. As a mother of teenage boys, her stance is firm and simple -- you dress provocatively in front of the camera, her sons do not get to be your friend online anymore. Boy, this "harsh, no second chances" tactic took viewers by storm! For much of it, people applauded her no-nonsense approach to guiding her young sons to viewing what is profitable and valuable while they are online. Seems a noble enough cause for moms who want to help their sons stay pure with their eyes and minds as much as they can...but another surge of opinions grew, loudly and defensively. To loosely quote a blog response I read here only this morning, (sorry about the crude language!!) "Step off, Mrs. Hall." "Girls just want attention, sexual yes. And that is okay." "Let them figure it out on their own." "Their parents know what they're doing-stop handling it for them" and one of my favorites, "I'm glad I'm not your kid!" This article by the way is riddled with gross misquotations of the actual blog posted by Mrs. Hall. If you're going to rip someone a new one, could you at least have your facts straight?
To each their own. After all, you cannot expect non Christians to think the way Christians think. But it's when Christians (more than one, I might add) who are promoting this "leave the teenage girls to what they're doing" line of thought that my heart aches a little and I groan inside for where our line of thinking has drifted from the scriptures. Yes, there is no verse that says "thou shalt not take arch-y back poses of thine self in the mirror without thy bra on" or "thou shalt only show this much of thine ankle to be thine purest self for Jesus." But the Bible DOES have something to say about your bodies and about parenting! Ever hear the verse in 2 Corinthians 6:19, 20, "you are not your own, for you are bought with a price. Therefore, glorify God in your bodies?" Or Deuteronomy 6, which states all the beautiful, hard tasks of parenting and guiding children to know Christ, to bind his words upon their neck, so that they would have houses full of good things when they glorify God with their whole selves. Not just the Sunday School self, but the "selfie-in-the-bathroom" self as well! The same principle apply to teenage boys, too! Their bodies are not their own, including their eyes and minds, to freely view whatever image pops up on their Internet screen. They too must use godly principles to guide their actions and thoughts! They must also bind God's words about their necks that their lives may be full of plenty just like girls, so why are we penalizing them for actually taking responsibility for the things that they see?
In this culture which we live, it seems we are so concerned about "our rights," "our bodies." "Let me do what I want," we cry! This society screams, "I will figure it out on my own, and anyone who tells me otherwise can essentially shove it." Parents are expected to shut up and put up. "Don't dare push your morals on me," we say. (Even though Mrs. Hall was pushing her morals primarily on her sons, if you notice. They were the ones who had to block the friends, the ones who have the rules about social media in their house! The article spilled over to the girls, imploring the "intelligent, insightful and even funny" sides of young girls to think about the posts they make, yes. But the boys were asked to be responsible for their own eyes by not looking at any more provocative pictures of their high school friends. Forbid it that we should ask teenage kids, boys AND girls, to think and make wiser choices!) But I am afraid we as Christians have bought into cultural line that says that I'm my own person so I can choose my outfits and choose to publish my provocative poses and that boys can then ogle at the girls who post them.
I realize I am no longer a teenage girl, but I don't feel like I am so far removed that I can't possibly relate to this social phenomenon that is Facebook and the world of "selfies." I get it--you want attention. You want people to notice your body. But are you really asking for the respect and decency this blog rebuttal implores the Hall boys to give you? What KIND of attention are you attracting? There is a reason God tells us in the Scripture to adorn our hearts and not spend our time adorning our outward self for attention. (1 Peter 3:3,4) What will attract decent, godly guys is what is on the inside (gasp!). And what will help keep guys' minds pure is for them to choose to not look! Why are we so aghast that some young men out there are choosing not to spend their time staring at pictures that may cause them not to be thinking of glorifying their God but distracting them from that goal? No one is saying to young women to stop taking regular care of their outward selves -- God is saying to you to stop trying to get guys to notice only your body and get them to notice your character instead. Mind blowing, I know! And (wait for it-you may need to sit down for this doozie) teenage boys and girls are not always mature enough to see this! Interestingly enough, He gave them the Word of God AND parents (woah!) to guide them through this stage of growing and maturing, sexually and spiritually. Shout-out to the parents who are actually being proactive in raising young men and women to be pure! Not easy in this culture, but not impossible!
It's just really too bad that even Christians have to slam this mother's attempt to raise her sons in such a way that sets them up to seek girls of integrity and be attracted to girls for more than their bodies. After all, isn't that what we want in this culture? We preach equal rights and to think of women the same as we think of men, and yet we applaud and even encourage our teenaged daughters to use their sexuality to get attention as they stumble along the path of adolescence. Hmm.
I believe Mrs. Hall is doing the opposite of "perpetuating rape culture," as the title of the blog response so states. She is raising her sons to notice things other than a young woman's changing body. If we try to live by the many principles God has gently and lovingly given us in His holy Word, then we will have a lot less selfish actions going on in cyber world, from females AND males.
Just saying.
Saturday, September 07, 2013
Friday, March 15, 2013
grace.
Why is it that something happens when I feel the least equipped to handle it?
When my soul is weary, when I am frustrated, alone, when the laundry is piled high and the toys are scattered across the floor, that's when it goes down - inevitably, that's the same time that the baby starts to cry, throws a temper, refuses to nurse, and goes down at bedtime crying when he never does that sort of thing. When I've already had a day of feeling sorry for myself, he is out of sorts in ways I cannot comfort, ways I cannot understand and I put him down after lullabies and rocking and kissing, inconsolable, and I feel sorry for myself all over again. I can't even comfort my own child. I cannot understand his needs; I don't know what's wrong and how to fix it. And so along with his tears come mine.
Not the way I like his day to end.
Not the way I like mine to, either.
I'm about to go in again and sing to him, and he stops as I am just heading to the door. He's okay. And I don't dare to breathe, in case he hears me. I sneak up the stairs, fearing every creak. But he's out like a light. In that moment, when all is still again, I hear my insides sigh. I am sorry for my frustration. I am sorry my baby was sad. But I am most sorry that in those moments of hurry and chaos that I do not reach out to the Hand of Grace. Instead, I live in the chaos, in the frustration and tears and feel validated in my suffering. Instead, I wallow, frustration mounting with each tick of the clock at my situation - alone, tired, and unable to figure out my own flesh and blood.
And as my baby sleeps in the quiet, forgetting his troubles as he enters deep slumber, I pour myself a cup of coffee, and ask forgiveness for missing the grace. I've missed His grace in the chaos. I've failed to see His hand upholding myself and my son as we do battle tonight, striving for this moment's unattainable harmony. Bedtime has not been such a hardship ... well, ever. But I'm missing the point. The point isn't achieving perfection in his bedtime routine. Things happen - some nights are off. Does this mean all falls apart and I have failed as his mother and life will never be the same for him? Hardly. But in the moment, my tired mind says I'm a terrible mother and I did something to throw him off and now we're in for a bad night. We may indeed be in for a rough night, but that's okay. Because even there, in those wee hours, there will be grace. It is not dependent upon performance or circumstance. It is dependent upon an unchanging God.
And this God loves me.
I am His child, too, you know. As my child is to me, I am to my Father. It seems unfathomable that He loves me more than I love my son. Or that He loves my son more than I do. But He does. And He's a big picture kind of Father. He sees beyond tonight, when I cannot see past this moment. Some days are not perfect - no days are. Some days seem worse than others, but in the good and the bad, in the triumphs and failures, there is Grace.
This is not all there is - this is but a whisper of time. He gives immeasurable grace for each test of the whispers, the vapors. He gives a deep breath, a moment of soul-quieting and clarity. He is kind and comforting. And I needed to be reminded. Lessons in grace, lessons in the ugly. Lessons in the tired and in the tears.
I am thankful.
"God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ ... and raised us up together ... that in the ages to come He might show the exceeding riches of His grace in His kindness toward us in Christ Jesus."
When my soul is weary, when I am frustrated, alone, when the laundry is piled high and the toys are scattered across the floor, that's when it goes down - inevitably, that's the same time that the baby starts to cry, throws a temper, refuses to nurse, and goes down at bedtime crying when he never does that sort of thing. When I've already had a day of feeling sorry for myself, he is out of sorts in ways I cannot comfort, ways I cannot understand and I put him down after lullabies and rocking and kissing, inconsolable, and I feel sorry for myself all over again. I can't even comfort my own child. I cannot understand his needs; I don't know what's wrong and how to fix it. And so along with his tears come mine.
Not the way I like his day to end.
Not the way I like mine to, either.
I'm about to go in again and sing to him, and he stops as I am just heading to the door. He's okay. And I don't dare to breathe, in case he hears me. I sneak up the stairs, fearing every creak. But he's out like a light. In that moment, when all is still again, I hear my insides sigh. I am sorry for my frustration. I am sorry my baby was sad. But I am most sorry that in those moments of hurry and chaos that I do not reach out to the Hand of Grace. Instead, I live in the chaos, in the frustration and tears and feel validated in my suffering. Instead, I wallow, frustration mounting with each tick of the clock at my situation - alone, tired, and unable to figure out my own flesh and blood.
And as my baby sleeps in the quiet, forgetting his troubles as he enters deep slumber, I pour myself a cup of coffee, and ask forgiveness for missing the grace. I've missed His grace in the chaos. I've failed to see His hand upholding myself and my son as we do battle tonight, striving for this moment's unattainable harmony. Bedtime has not been such a hardship ... well, ever. But I'm missing the point. The point isn't achieving perfection in his bedtime routine. Things happen - some nights are off. Does this mean all falls apart and I have failed as his mother and life will never be the same for him? Hardly. But in the moment, my tired mind says I'm a terrible mother and I did something to throw him off and now we're in for a bad night. We may indeed be in for a rough night, but that's okay. Because even there, in those wee hours, there will be grace. It is not dependent upon performance or circumstance. It is dependent upon an unchanging God.
And this God loves me.
I am His child, too, you know. As my child is to me, I am to my Father. It seems unfathomable that He loves me more than I love my son. Or that He loves my son more than I do. But He does. And He's a big picture kind of Father. He sees beyond tonight, when I cannot see past this moment. Some days are not perfect - no days are. Some days seem worse than others, but in the good and the bad, in the triumphs and failures, there is Grace.
This is not all there is - this is but a whisper of time. He gives immeasurable grace for each test of the whispers, the vapors. He gives a deep breath, a moment of soul-quieting and clarity. He is kind and comforting. And I needed to be reminded. Lessons in grace, lessons in the ugly. Lessons in the tired and in the tears.
I am thankful.
"God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ ... and raised us up together ... that in the ages to come He might show the exceeding riches of His grace in His kindness toward us in Christ Jesus."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)